these days what you do with your partner counts. people remember. people bring them up, and they question your past.
being single for 5 years and watching couples do their couple thing has caused me to learn quite a bit- such as some manipulative tricks like "would u be ok if i do that too?"- although it is fair that nothing teaches you as much as experiencing it yourself.
i'm surrounded by couples everywhere so there was this certain sense of pressure to get attached. back home, i watch my parents fight and i watch my sister deal with all her crazy enamoured suitors. my best friends never fail to remain single, and they're all very pretty, which makes me wonder if it's them or there's something wrong with me.
and i hate that.... totally dislike playing second fiddle to my girlfriends' love interests really. and it would be just evil to wish singlehood upon all of them or sing glory to the highest whenever they have bf troubles and i dont.
so that becomes the predicament- the story of my life! yeee-yeee-yEeeE~ (that's the tune of fiddle strings playing)
oh well. i should be lucky that at least i had the chance to learn from their mistakes....or so i hope.
when i get a boyfriend.... i would so definitely:
1) not fight with my bf over facebook and twitter
it's really ugly when things go public. but when does one draw the line? notice i haven't put blog in the subhead. i think that writing a dear diary entry is alright, because a blog is after all rather personal, and it would almost seem like a betrayal to one's journalistic/diary-writing self to put in only the beautiful things in the blog without reflecting on the downside point of things.
my blog is not a means of trumpeting my own praises and boast to everyone how blissful i am. shit happens, and i can never hide it whenever i am feeling upset. people seem to know things about me when i dont. people are drawn to my blog because it reflects me, the crazy janet me, and not some janet trying to be somebody she is not.
i confess that i used my blog wrongly when i was younger and less mature, to say things that served to hurt those who read it. it was a lesson i am glad that i had learnt before blogging started to become popular and everyone starting up their blogs, although it can be such a painful lesson in the arse.
isnt it unsurprising that it is often the GIRLS who take to social media to voice how bad their boyfriends are to them? girls complaining about boyfriends not having time for them, how boyfriends are such dumbasses who doesnt know what they are feeling when they are feeling so strongly about something and how they regret getting into a relationship when there are like a gazillion boys out there who desires for them. right.
and not only that! some girls find it only deserving if they could publicize their blog entries on twitter so that EVERYONE knows what a jerk their boyfriend is to them, as if you soiled your size 14 undies and rolled around in the mud and you want everybody to see your dirty laundry like it's the biggest prized possession in the world.
social media really brings out the super fugly side of girls sometimes. these online tools are mighty and fine my friend, but make sure not to be a tool in utilizing them.
i would think that it would only be self-serving if you could contact your own boyfriend to discuss issues and not let the whole world wonder what's up with those 2.
when i get a bf i would make sure that i would let only my closest friends know whats up with me and him, not the entire world.
when i get a bf, i would:
2) tell him i love him everyday
sometimes words are cheap and repeating them could make it only repetitive and even less valuable. however it's really important to remind yourselves why you love each other in the first place. it's crucial that in midst of fights, you should not lose sight of your loved one and a "i love you" is important to set things straight, to allow one another to understand that in spite of certain temporary conflict, you still love each other and would wish to work things out.
everyday can be a valentine's day! a card, a simple text, a simple chain-mail text that used to get sent around so much during the handphones start out days, a surprise flower picked on the street, a thoughtful cheesy line, a simple opening of doors, a crappy but sweet piece of drawing, a lousy stinking out-of-the-blue-i-thought-of-you poem, a self composed guitar song, a writing of name in the sand, a piece of cake that was baked and decorated in your honour.....so many ways to make a day count.
i feel like i sound like a unrealistic hopeless romantic here.
whatevs! if i get a bf, i would see that "treat him like a king, and he would treat you like a queen" and not "treat him like a king, and he would treat you like a maid" (as quoted by my dearest mum) would come to pass.
when i get a bf, i would:
3) not PDA
for fear of being caught on spytv, i.e. STOMP. not! ok besides that... i think it's really tasteless to do such lovey-dovey things in public, even worse if it's with family or friends around. as much as in love any couples are, or even if we're all westernized and modern now, it's basic courtesy to consider feelings of people around and give a little respect.
... why do guys get so horny in swimming pools?!
when i get a bf, i would:
4) have more double dates/ hang out with my girlfriends
it's a major complaint amongst people that whenever their friends get attached, they have no eyes for their own friends or are in their own world from then on. i too, resent it whenever i hang out with my girl friends and a girl would find the need to string along her bf wherever she goes, or the couple would make themselves like siamese twins, like they would just writhe and die if they should lose any body contact or separate themselves from each other.
it would be so sad that the individuals in a relationship would lose all sense of their own individuality, not having a mind of their own and become weak, powerless and with no sense of purpose. instead, power couples are able to handle their own lives aside from their partners, and would inspire others to do great things too.
lets say a power couple like the beckhams. i love how victoria beckham is humourous and would not allow critics to destroy her relationship with david beckham by slogging hard to prove what she is worth, and not allow rumours to bring her self-confidence down. i love how she is still so sassy, fashionable and aspiring even after having 3 kids with david and not doom herself to JUST being the caretaker of his children.
i would too, encourage my bf to hang out with his guy friends, possibly try to win the favour of his guy pals. it would be so cool to be respected as the sister-in-law, and have all the boys do things in yours and his favour because they like you enough. when they think your bf is lucky, your bf would too think that he is lucky to have you too.
hanging out with other couples, especially the strong and stable kinds, would teach me and my bf how to accommodate one another, and give each other couple a sense of support whenever whichever couple has issues to iron out. besides it would give you more topics of interest to cover with your bf, like sharing of dine-out places and fun things to do on the weekends.
in conclusion, when i get my bf, i would choose to hang out alone if i have to hang out with singles, and double date as much as i could to understand more of the dynamics of other relationships.
when i get a bf, i would:
5) try not to change my bf, but make him a better him
they say boys will never change, but may get even worse when they get married. so saying, i often see girls trying to change their boyfriends...to make them dress a certain way, to do manicures and face masks, to make them hold your super chao ku niang handbags, to pick up dancing even ahem.
then these girls groan and whine whenever their boys run off to watch soccer, drink beer or play soccer AND snap whenever their boy would not go shopping with them or find their iphones more interesting than them. hmm it's not that much puzzling isn't it.
well, you can't change or force them, but you can influence them to do things you wish to. it's really up to the smartness of the girl to do the influencing and infiltrating of their belief systems. this is something i got to study and learn. mass communications does not teach the art of persuasion when it narrows down to boys; maybe the AIDA model might help though.
but one thing for sure, always inspire one another to be better at what they love, or good at. i would love for my bf to support my interests in travelling and fashion, and i think it is only right to reciprocate this very simple act of love through support.
when i get my bf, i would:
6) have our families included
when your parents approve of him, and he is willing to please your family, the relationship would be reinforced and become more concrete. afterall, you both would not be marrying each other, but the entire family.
when friends could sometimes fail you, family will never abandon you without reason. i've seen how my family takes care of my sister when she gets into trouble, which she often does, and i know that it will never be worthwhile to invest all love into your boyfriend instead of your family. instead of creating a tug-of-war with you as subject as your bf and family fight for your time, why not create a win-win situation by including your bf into the family.
even though it may be very worrying and be somewhat getting out of the usual coupley comfy zone, i think it is very necessary to get know each others families.
when i get my bf, i would try to understand his family as much as i could, while at the same time try my best to introduce him to my super-scary with high standards dad and my awesome mum and aunt, and hope with fingers crossed that he would not offend my dad.
when i get my bf, i would:
7) have more activities that we can do together
maybe we could do cooking, swimming, running or going to the gym (ugh!), aside from going to church. there needs to be more activities in common that both could benefit from, and look forward to, otherwise a relationship would be so stale and mundane.
OK I AM TIRED OF WRITING ALREADY. the end. :)
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