j a n e t

random

one.
my sister is probably the only person i know who talks in her sleep. i just got to hear her sleep bamble. coupled with the really bad sore throat she's having these few weeks, i couldnt decipher whats she saying. but it sounded sooo funny. ah the days that we both share the same room and i got to hear sleep talk every now and then.

two.
maid's pretty nice to have around! i havent wash plates since i dont know when. i dont have to clean baby's poop!!! ^-^ she hemmed my dress for me! yay hope i get to wear it soon. it's leopard print vintage- really pretty. she's not those kind of hiao kinds who gets pissy easily. instead she has the attitude of Dopey, one of the seven dwarfs in snow white! really easy to go along with and humble. she can be quite forgetful and looks blur. she's a bit hill-billy. but i think she's quite intelligent, kind and talented.

i think if i were to be a maid, i'll never make it as good as her. i feel damm fortunate that im born in my family instead of in some corrupt, run-down country like hers (and north korea, shudders).

i have to say this!!! i love her curry fish head. high class restaurant standard in my opinion. for a rather fussy eater, she is a good cook.

and she sews quite fast. so i was pleasantly surprised by her.

three.
today i learnt that in order to win any argument in life, PUT YOURSELF DOWN really badly. haha ok that's my lousy THESIS. gotta think more about it.

four.
today i realised sometimes people really believe in me more than i do in myself! this. is. bad.

amy was saying that i wouldnt do badly in NTU and NUS, like i have said in my tagboard. :) thanks amy! you know what, i sincerely meant that- not doing well in NTU and NUS.

my jc results have robbed me of my self-confidence and self-value. i used to think im clever. but noooo i think i have been really tyco and had good teachers. it wasnt in my intelligence. if today i were to get into these 2 prestigious universities, i daresay that because i would not have the same care given to me as by my secondary school teachers, i might screw up like i did in JC.

and it sucks. i hate "explaining" to people where i am studying. i hate how they look like they go "ah, i see i see" but in their minds, they may be thinking that i am not clever enough to go into a local university, and that i am nothing that they should look up to.

what they are seeing is my current situation, but they never see my past- that i have done well academically once and won prizes.
but you know, it's what i have done last that counts. so yes i am stigmatized. i am disgraced.

and i am a sore loser. i blame it on the school for being value-subtracted. i am bitter. if a student out of a whole class does badly, it IS the student's fault. if the whole class does badly, it IS the teacher's fault. if the whole school does badly, it IS the school management's fault.

so judging on every sa student results, i conclude that it is not entirely my fault. i hope i am fair to say this. imagine clever RV students whose past results are way glorious than mine but didnt do well in their A Levels. it is a terrible pity.

i really hate that i have done badly for Alevels, and i hate how stupid i have felt. wasting my 2 whole years of life and having played the lazy fool. i hate that my mother's friends think that their children are so clever now, way cleverer than me, when i thrashed them in psle and olevels but lost to them in the final leg.

it is a sore wound. thank god for people who still believe in me and think highly of me, especially when i am down and believe i dont deserve all the good results that i have. i am probably subconscious that i have been putting myself down all these time and never realised it. im sorry for it.

five.
i need to tidy my room. it is really messy! i cant find my pink zen mp3 player!!! :( no music!