insecurity and suds

found a "HerbaLife Capital"...wonders if yong chuen plays the game....

named my city in City of Wonder "i love suds". nothing stylish and not easily copied which makes it easier to be original...other than that i just really want to declare to the world how good suds is to me.

today we made risotto for dinner at my place. and before eating i don't know what caused me to spill the secret that i had looked through his MSN conversation history and that i know what he has been talking about to his guy friends.

i could have kept it a secret to the grave and i just really don't know why i told him. would you tell your boyfriend if you saw his MSN conversations and learnt things that had bugged you?

lucky for me, suds didn't kill me. he was sweet to tell me that it's ok if it's in the past and that he was glad i didn't hide it from him, and tried to make me feel better about all the issues i have, seeing how insecure my character is....

why am i so insecure...i am feeling so insecure about my sudden revelation that i am really that much of an insecure person.

...

the risotto we made was really nice! and i am so glad that my housemates were willing to eat the remaining risotto up for me. always like having people enjoy my cooking. bought suds some Skinny Cow coffee cookie pie thing, and i had my Bulla mini yoghurt sticks, and we took a stroll in the dark and talked...

never thought that my play-talk about breaking up and taking time off to see if we really loved each other instead of wasting each other's time would break his heart. sometimes i wish people would tell me how much they feel for me whether it is hate or love; it really makes life easier and minuses lots of questioning and the ultimate doubt, loss of faith.

got to remind myself to think the best of him and in people, and that he has my good interests at heart, to be less insecure and to not say hurtful things carelessly.

im tired... knocking off. good night.