accusations

to bring up a child so that the child would take care of the parents when he/she is older-- is it selfish?

or if the child was brought up, and leaves his/her parents without being there physically to care for them-- is it selfish too?

**

my mum used to tease me about going to australia and to find an angmoh boyfriend so that she gets to play with pretty mixed grandkids. sometimes i wonder if their expectations would change if i found an "inner"-angmoh one, one really good banana.

and as i asked my mum if he could come over for dinner, she gave me that worried look, and then later as she turn in for the night, i heard her consulting my dad and him raising his voice in the deep of the night that to encourage his daughter going to perth to study would be the loss of one daughter.

to add on to the insecurity of my mum, she recently met this 92 year-old elderly friend of hers, who had 12 children but lives alone and cooks meals for herself everyday. my mum related this story to me and finishing it, she paused and gave me a knowing sad look in her eyes, and without saying anything, went back to bed.

i dont have the strength to find the way.