exciting isnt it! to see so many people coming together for a common purpose.
debbie and i in sequinned agogo tops. we were rushing to sing getai after FOP that day.. ya you know how the first day of the seventh month goes, huge business we're talking here man..debbie on terri: "you think terri got sequin tops?? .... i guess not, she only got velvet clothings!!! -mad laughing to herself-" hahahahha!
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i woke up with a heavy heart and swollen eyes and felt like messaging them that i dont wish to turn up for service today. i didnt sleep well. i fell on my bed all tired then woke up to change into pjs and cried myself to sleep. didnt want to meet them to queue and to try hard to be high and foul up everyone's mood haha.
but im glad im turn up. im glad i chose not to reply to all those angsty messages in my phone, relieved that i didnt release an outburst upon them, the parents of mine. i typed out a reply to my mum and then it was so difficult i teared on the bus, then decided to cancel the whole message. it was difficult to not hold my stance and to fight back, but sometimes i forget i have someone greater than me to fight for me and not trust that He can take charge.
Festival of Praise was great and i love Rev Mike Conner's message, especially toward the end. he's humourous!! it's going to sound really like fervent christian thing from you which may annoy non-christian friends, and it's kinda difficult! skip the whole paragraphs ok.
the last bit was an extension of what he preached earlier on things out of control and he sensed a need for a prayer for the parents and prayed for parents who may have felt difficulties in raising their children, who felt like theyre failures and could not understand why their children love not coming home etc and there was something about the prodigal son. i just couldnt stop sobbing when that came coz as sudden it was, it felt like God knew my burden and He send a swift message that was the answer to the question that was eating the inside of me and killing me. only just a few hours ago i was typing on a mad rage and then suddenly everything resolved like the ebbing tides of a disatrous tsunami.
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen"
i saw how my father must have worried that i get drunk and then end up in a folly. i saw how much he worried because i am the only other one he has his hopes in. i saw how my mother did not understand why i want to hang out with my friends so much, being disappointed that i did not appreciate what she has provided for me. i saw how i was selfish and did not ask for their permission nicely and went on my way insisting that i am allowed to do what i can and want to.
a whole new side was revealed to me in that moment and every positive thought revealed itself like i never force myself to think it. it just appeared like i found a whole new button on the remote control and there i have it.
thank you for healing my broken heart especially when i did not expect it. your love surpasses everything, im can never stop being amazed by the greatness of your mercies.
ps: no i was not brainwashed and still have doubts but i am not hurt anymore. that's most impt for now.
pps: Ah-go-go jiemei pictures impending!
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