j a n e t: going out

been quite depressed lately looking at frances' wedding and speaking to serene about marriage and stuff. serene was pointing out some of her observations of my relationship with suds, provoking me to rethink about suds and life plans, which got me to feel like maybe suds and i are not meant for each other--

you know how emotional i can get sometimes.

well yesterday i was just crying for like no reason...thinking about the words suds said, like he'll make us get married "so that you can be happy" as if marriage would only make me happy, and things about how he hates period blood and would not wanna watch me give birth (so hurtful right! especially since he's a vet) coz he thinks it's yucky.

and serene was right about how suds can be quite the chauvinist male, expecting me to put his career first and foremost above mine, and putting down all my ambitions and little girl dreams. i didn't really mind being the housewife and taking care of my hubby's needs, but having my own dreams shattered and slammed like that does not resonate with a dreamer like me. i like to think of fancy things, no matter how impractical and silly-sounding they are.

then it was another fight but in the end i kinda understood his point of view and i am glad that i am able to listen instead of fighting him and just wanting to be right like what the janet of the past would have been like. he thinks that i have no business acumen and do not think of things such as liabilities, liquidity, insurances, cost of renovations, cashier program etc and that i like to do things with the idea that everybody would praise me for being so brilliant and creative. WHICH IS TRUE OMG. arrow to the heart.

perhaps a dreamer does need a grouchy cool lump of a rock to tie her down to earth before she gets lost in space...

well we were talking about the doggie cafe idea and the murdoch shop booth thing i did last thursday. waiting for serene's side of the pictures to be published.

finally after a night's rest i felt better, and although the wounds sting i think its good that i got a fair idea and a compromise- that i should get at least a diploma in business and make up a good business strategy before jumping into it and feeling hurt about questions regarding the business.

Oh and i was also hurt about what he says about my Draw Something addiction, that i just want to draw nice stuff so that people can compliment me and he doesnt like to support me in getting my colouring packs and causing his phone to be drained out of battery. GRRR.

in the morning he came to my room with his itouch so that i could drain the itouch instead of his phone, using his account to play with myself.

he brought me out to dine at Buen 151 upon my request, but i paid for our meal. -__-"