was of such a huge relief. felt like a mother carrying a baby for 9 months, getting used to the feeling of the assignment being there but not really doing anything about it, and struggling to push like mad only when the water breaks. suds was such a great help; constantly reminding me to do my assignment, cooking and washing the dishes, looking for referred journals, promising to take me out once i finish some quota, proofreading it, doing the summary for me. :) and i think his brain is not just made for veterinary science, he's pretty good at the bullshitting skills required of a communication studies student. maybe it's his mum's genes. i don't know what i would do without him, just knowing that he will do everything in his power to save me makes me feel kinda happy even if i were to flunk my assignment. although i really hope i won't.
suds taught me how to bullshit- the knowledge that i have to paraphrase was always there, but my will is weak, like that of one who always gives up only at the last lap, and i would have had settled for substandard conclusions- just wishing to finish it up asap without the time-consuming fancy summarying of all the points. i kinda know that i have to repeat stuff in a different manner now to make the essay interesting and i think i should probably use his murdoch uni search engines to find references for my work.
just like writing anything, i should aim to just blabber instead of making things short and sweet like how singaporean teachers like to teach-- the KISS method. this stupid KISS method has really deeply sunk its roots in me. i curse the day that the smarmy teachers walk into the classroom testing us- DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS THE K.I.S.S METHOD?! ugh. it takes bigger skills to bullshit and being convincingly long-winded than to be brief and topic-skimming. even those who are trying to bullshit are aware of what are the main points they are trying to cover.
i just dread doing the 15000 words thesis/ dissertation. i don't look forward to doing research like those focus groups and data collection. sometimes i wonder whether i really do have it in me. it's such a pain in the ass to write things for the sake of writing. i, for one, am not the least interested about the state of languages in the face of increased internet usage. i just like to be a couch potato and let all the effects of media and its set agenda brainwash me, consume media and be ignorant.
***
the feeling when i was at the airport...
felt kinda like a preview of a future scene where i had to leave australia because i have no other visas to allow me to stay longer in perth. it was kinda like having to be brave and mature- knowing that there is the existence of skype and whatever happens will be to each others' benefit, as if true love is about knowing how to let go and let live.........but it's a huge torture, just trying to be grown-ups thinking of costs and consequences. sometimes i really just want to elope and disappear and hide away from all the meanies out there, the meanies who look at you funny like they are disappointed at you or they want something out from you but can't figure how to get it, the people who look at you and you can hear how in their brains they sigh and just want to give up on me or feel sorry to have to be obligated to me.
we had red rooster's chicken strips and chicken-salted fries, our usual shopping mall dont-know-what-else-to-eat couple comfort food. sitting there munching away, savoring it before emotions interfere with the digestive process.
waiting for the plane really tested me-- 4 hours of delay was no joke, especially when the staff do not know what the problem the engineers are facing. the passengers were left not knowing how to weigh the options-- if it was a computer error, at least we could pre-empt the time to fix it; if it was the engine problem, then we could hope for a new plane to be sent in; the least they could do was to provide a more accurate waiting time.
sucks to wait alone too, sucks when i could have had more time to be outside shopping and holding suds' hand.
***
the feeling of being back in singapore....
new maid in the house, sister having so many tech goods (ipad 2, iphone ver whatever, macbook, pro DCLR...) and chloe being such a big girl. loss of friends, changes in church.... the changes are pretty scary. and it's only like half a year plus another half a year?! so distant, i wish i could hide in a shell and never get out. never knew that it would be so hard- it takes just a couple of half years to ruin years of friendship and commitments.
went to chinatown, felt like there's this buzzing bee without a head kinda spirit- everyone's in movement up to something, but they all look dull, being in the motion not feeling the motion, working for the sake of working, unhappy and in a lack of sleep. i think.
the days of pining for koi bubble tea just dissipates once you know you could get it easily. then, i felt like i have no beverages to pine for but perhaps orange chocolate milkshake made by suds or the different fruity tea beverages in perth.
still on the road to finding a place where i truly belong.
and it's not perth nor singapore for sure....
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