insecurity

insecurity is one of the scariest feeling. sometimes guys say that girls are insecure...i wonder if guys are not insecure too.

it's scary how one day u can feel like u're on the top of the world, and the next day it is so easy to come crashing down. it makes u wish for boring and mundane days, so that every day would seem equally good, rather than have super good days and suffer horribly on the bad days.

no matter how much i brace myself for it mentally, it is difficult to smile and look back happily saying "fun times".

i wished i was not so spoilt in the first place.

people could look at me and think that i am enjoying myself and living the life of happiness but there are times of severe insecurity. i fight the feeling of having no gal pals to hang out with, the feeling of having to share the same group of friends, the feeling of knowing nuts about this same group of friends, feeling shy, feeling awkward to broach the topic when the girl he used to like even though they may be friends now, would msn every now and then and arrange for dates, and lastly wondering if you're selfish or not.

why would a person go from "i love you" to "i like you lots" nearing the end of the day, as if preparing to let down expectations, knowing that "i love you" was hard to say without being able to fully prove it. whats next would be "i think i like you" or "i like you somewhat" or "i try hard to like u but no promises" coz u're even more unsure whether u can prove that action speaks louder than words. no?

i can't fight the circumstances i have put myself into, there is nothing i can change coz insecurity happens to everyone. seems like the issues are all my own.

hope i am strong enough to overcome them.