i am sorely disappointed at her, myself and everything that turned out. i finally really understood how her aunt must have felt, to host her in that house and feed her, but finally snapped one day and then have her name smeared all over facebook and blog.
i shall attempt to address everything here to sort out my feelings and to explain why i am not willing to go back to E441 anymore.
prior Fashion in the Sky
prior to that event, jamie and i went to wendy's place to do up the food #3 poster. we could have done it at jamie's place but i thought it could be nice to go to her place and talk to her, take things off her mind about aaron.
through the whole preparation for FITS, aaron was finishing up his last semester at SMU and was in considerable amount of stress, and wendy was pressuring him a lot, and was really upset about him and thinking of breaking up with him.
it was naive thinking of me. nothing got through that blockhead. she was adamant that aaron was not the right person for her. in the end, we left and she was "I didnt ask you to come down, it's you who wanted to come to my place."
on fashion in the sky
i mentioned to adeline that i will definitely be staying over as dhoby gaut was near my workplace. i asked wendy that day itself, right after the event ended, to check if she was staying over. also, i had sent an sms to confirm with her if she was staying over. she gave me non-commital replies.
from previous experience at the changi hotel, wendy stays up late. (what a lie on her blog) she slept at 6am, chatting with jamie throughout the night. she had pushed the blame on the other 10 over people in that room, stating that she did not sleep because there was no place to.
that morning when it was time to leave the hotel at checkout time so as not to incur the next day charges, jamie got up in a snap, even though she had fallen asleep at the same time as wendy. however wendy was the pig, refusing to get up, and the entire room of people including jon ong, elicia and rest, were made to wait up for her like the diva she thinks she is.
angrily she says we could leave and then she would pay whatever it is for the hotel room if she gets charged for it. naise attitude you think so?
back to FITS, i had brought my towel and everything that i had needed to stayover, unlike wendy.
OHHHH u dont know how wendy taunted me that day.
in order to stay over, she probably needed to wash off the makeup. seeing that i had managed to and wanting to borrow mine, she asked me how i got my makeup washed off. i presumed she must not have asked me out of genuine concern, knowing the person that i have known her to be. unwilling to tell her the truth, i came up with the story that i went to remove it at the sasa shop in plaza singapura, which caused her to laugh really loudly, like i am the beggar who went to a big fancy shop to get my makeup removed. the others did not laugh, feeling awkward that i should have to stoop to that level- except, her.
the whole room was already full with people who were already there, so then it is almost quite natural that the last person to reach, should not ought to have stayed over. even anxian, riddwaj and jonathan ong, who were tempted to stay over, have been warned by me that the room is too small to take in even more people. and yet these people were there way before the big ass bitch of a woman stepped in to announce that she wants to stay over.
so very nicely i offered that if she wishes to stay over, she can take over my place and i will leave for home because i have work the next morning at nine, and i really do value my work performance a lot.
why, i am very indignant that she says that all she INNOCENTLY wanted to do was to accompany adeline. is she blind? the whole room was already filled with people to accompany adeline.
the whole group was frustrated at her non-constructive suggestions to spend more to hire a better sounds-person than the one jamie and adeline found. there was already brooding tensions regarding her presence.
also, i believe that wendy's long attempts to lose weight never came to fruition, and that she would take up bed space more than anybody. nobody was willing to let wendy sleep beside them except for jamie.
that was the crux, seeing that none wanted her to sleep next to her, she left in a huff. guess she did not mention that in her blog, did she??
on asking royston not to shout my name
i also did mention to her a loooong time ago that i did not like her to print screen private conversations and facebook comments- but i guess she conveniently remembers things and forgets some.
on cell group appreciation
as a journalist, i value my freedom of speech alot. as a creative person, i value my freedom of expression equally as much too.
i apologise for being a mean sport and not appreciating, unlike the super nice adeline who gave wendy a hug when she did not like hugging, because i do not like to pretend to like somebody when i am still holding my grudges.
i apologise too, for spoiling her appreciation poem. i did, really meant for riddhwaj to come to cell group more often, and i felt pissed that riddhwaj wrote such a beautiful poem that, in my honest opinion, is really not befitting of wendy. i am sorry that she got butthurt over it, crying buckets of tears because of my comment.
i guess there is no space for truth when it comes to matters relating to wendy. i learnt a very important lesson to always be fake and on a perpetual drugged-up-like high because thats what makes her happy.
i was also really angry at her for the way she treated her family, her cousins and her aunt, which happened around the same time that the poem was written for her. truly, golden heart my big ass.
on zoe's email message
i had issues with kenneth and benedict, and all for good reasons. did wendy herself, not have issues with kenneth before? i should think that she is too scared to confront kenneth the way i did, and i am happy that kenneth and i are on better terms since then.
i feel very much inclined or illusioned to believe that my issues are issues that anyone could face, except that i was different in that i dare to bring them up. i cannot even remember what issue i had with riddhwaj. we are on good terms now, going to play L4D2 together when he left for india. wendy makes it sound like i have severed ties with riddhwaj, by him having to appease me, which is so not true.
it saddens me that i cannot be true to myself in my blogging and please my readers. i never broadcast my blog on facebook to see (unlike wendy asking her 1300 over friends including the church pastoral staff to read the entry about me). i never put my blog link up on msn. people who wants to read my blog have asked me to not set it on private. sometimes they ought to take my words with a pinch of salt-please just let me complain a little on this small space. at least i dont make up lies and put them on my blog to skewer your judgement.
on Twitter
wendy is someone who thinks that her retweeting things she found interesting, i.e. around 12 retweets of quotes, to be quite normal. it is, however, rather annoying to me. it happens every other few days and it is tiring to scan through all the tweets that i genuinely want to read from the people i care for to sieve out the ones that i have to read.
it is very inconsiderate of her to flood people's walls like that. i am also annoyed that she never meant what she tweets. if she meant to encourage herself by liking those quotes, why couldn't she use her paper and write those lines like 100 times to get it into her system? by forcing everyone to read the quote, does she not make people expect that she is impacted by the quote so much so as to change her behaviour?
what is her point in retweeting things like that? she is being so obnoxious like that, taking up space and being a really shallow brainless person who surrounds herself with quotes.
preach it and practice it man.
on not talking things out
i never said NO to not meeting her to talk. i just refused to reply that sms of hers until there was somebody willing to be a mediator.
besides, a trait of wendy's is her around-the-bush arguments. you may explain and talk about a certain issue, then she will go "orh" and then return back to the same issue, often saying she don't get it, most probably because she never listens. nothing goes through and she pushes for things she wants to get done, not compromising usually.
i changed my mind about talking to her coz i think it never works out. not because i am a coward, like how she implies on her blog.
truthfully, i am rather wary of the word "thrash things out" coz my experience of thrashing things out had never really worked.
on why i blocked her
i unfollowed her. but it got bad coz there were people retweeting stuff that she tweets and i was annoyed. i invited people to share in gifts, and selected only a few, but still she could see what i tweeted, and proceeded to reply to my tweet asking to share in the present despite acknowledging my not inviting her, making it sound like i was a villain. i felt awkward that she had to picked up raw spots to test me, and could not comprehend why would people make things difficult for me all the time. i had already set a budget for like 5 people- which is the reason why i never ask the whole entire cell group to share in the present, but nooooo she pushes her way through.
she threatened to leave the cell group because i blocked her. this is how she reacts by being upset. i do not have the leisure of time to print screen things like the way she does to prove my point. it's up to you to believe me. so i said, if it makes her happy, i will unblock her.
...which is very very bad decision.
on volleyball at Sentosa
if her intention was really to reconcile with me, would she go "okayyyy" if i changed my mind to go for the outing? she would have been hooray you're going! i shall be nice to you throughout the outing! yet another lie..... i wish she stopped trying to faking and twisting her intentions.
into the game, i realised that NONE of us are good at volleyball. wendy could hit over the net, but she tends to hit the ball way far such that someone has to run and pick up her ball. the game went like score for every ball that gets past the net, no serves were ever returned.
jamie played too, and it was not just 5minutes of playing i believe. soon later jamie left the game when we played with the indian people. i think wendy was oblivious that jamie was pretty bored. the rest of us people were like pawns to her game because she had co-erced debbie to play with her for like the one year or so she claimed to.
could she not be a better team player and take into consideration the others' feelings of being left out? it is not as if she would die not playing volleyball. didnt she play enough of volleyball already? captains ball would have been something that could include everyone.
i was desiring to leave the game and accompany jamie, but leaving may likely mean debbie would leave the game too. how have i not shown respect to wendy about me playing and receiving all the bruises that are otherwise, really unnecessary? i tried and i can't play, it's not like i never try. way to go wendy!! i guess reconciling was never your intention- volleyball is more important!
on being pissed off on twitter
as you can see from the print screen, 1am and wendy was not yet asleep- she does not sleep early most of the time people, believe me.
that day she was picking a fight with victor, because apparently she thinks that victor was judging her for her past, and she threatened to quit cell group by saying that she cannot be in a cell group where people judges her for her past.
now, i got pissed off and for good reason. she's blackmailing. it is normal that people would take into consideration the past in making decisions. whenever you get into a relationship with somebody, wouldn't you ask about the person's exes, even though it should not matter if you genuinely love the person? it's not so much as judge, as awful as it sounds--
so it seems that wendy loves to over-dramatize people's opinions, putting them on the blog and tries too hard to emulate xiaxue. i guess iheartquotes never taught her to value family and friends, as she does mud-slinging on her blog about her cousins, her parents, her boyfriend etc.
we did not come to a conclusion after like 40minutes of a phone call to her. it was like 130am or so and i needed my sleep badly. who wouldnt?
on being so oh-care-and-concern for me
when jonathan was in singapore on his break, i went to perth and he has not met me in perth yet. it is suspicious that wendy asked him when he is in singapore how have i been. hmmm getting senile??
my blog is interesting, it is bullshit that she reads my blog to see how have i been and my welfare. it is more like pre-empting when she should launch an attack on me, calculating the risks, trying to printscreen everything on my blog, finding every fault i would make to justify her next "hit"- controversial blog post.
there are genuine friends, and there are kaypoh friends. wendy is never one of the former.
on the last straw
she claimed to have unknowingly stepped on my toes, well that is because she is quite rather stiff from her neck up. did she think it is really funny to ask jamie and i to get a room after just a request to go on skype. so she said just kidding, so i deem it fit to flow in the same sense of humour as she had displayed on my blog by telling her to grow up figuratively, adding a "just kidding" at the back for good measure.
what personal public attack? this is my own personal blog, and this time i never complained about it on the mass message unlike the incident of lady wen and the e441 dwarfs incident.
why, she should really practice what she preaches about personal public attacks considering how she attacked me on her blog and begging her entire thousand over friends on facebook to read her blog. OH and on her twitter too.
on baseless "truths"
may i know whom in the zone have i hurt? aaron??
on redemption
you would probably not know how much i always put into caring for others, how much i had tried to repay wendy for tolerating all my nonsense. i am sorry that she is not willing to tolerate my nonsense anymore. my nonsense is often a mix of good nonsense and bad nonsense- and by the cancellation of it, i guess you have thrown away the baby along with its bath water.
maybe you do not know that....
1. the decoration on her 21st birthday party was organized by me, and i had asked my school friends to help me cut out paper people for her birthday, how i had asked people to help me with the budget party streamers, how i bought the stuff beforehand and advised her where to get the essential decorations. all without thinking that she should repay the favor. of course we weren't close at all and her friends weren't (or are unwilling) to help.
2. i tried to cheer wendy up for a period of time whenever she is upset by thinking it would be most practical to go to her place to talk to her, meet her and give her a bar of chocolate because chocolates are some of her favourite foods.
3. there was once when she got really upset with aaron, and it was very late after cell group, and i took the bus to town with her coz we missed the last train. all the while i tried taking aaron's side to help her not get angry with poor aaron. i was super tired after a whole weeks' of work and friday was really stretching me, and i was on my heels, yet i walked with her along orchard road, watched a very expensive late night movie of alice in the wonderland with her, tried persuading her to take public transport instead of cab to save money.
4. i advised her where to get her lady gaga gloves
5. i went shopping with her to get her FITS dress. mind you i was stuck in New Look for her to change into like 15 outfits, taking a considerable amount of time to change like how she takes her time to bathe, and gave her opinions on what looks good on her. i helped ask the shop assistant to reserve the dress she wanted in her size and was so entirely patient.
it is tragic really. a hug from a person who never hugs is way better than all the above that i have done for her.
thank you wendy for bringing out all these things you have against me. i really see your true colours shining true and it is sad to say, hideous. i will never again speak to you or help you ever again because you have proven that all efforts spent on you will go futile, and bite me back even.
thank you, for making me feel like the whole entire cell group is against me, using statements from zoe that i loose my reign on everyone in this cell group and that everyone advises you that "janet is like that" and you ought to forgive me.
you do not need to forgive me- you're not God to be able to forgive me. seriously i do not care whether you hate me or not, i am to the extreme point of resentment against you and all that you represent. i felt inclined to remove you and your close friends who would so willing to let you use their facebook to ever make contact with me. i am SO RELIEVED that this bridge is burnt and i finally get to destroy the tree that stopped bearing me fruits.
all i want now, is a fresh start from the beginning. i long for a clean slate, where i do not have to prove myself wrong from what wendy has shown everyone in the entire church what janet is like. it is better to be given a whole new set of tools and start from scratch instead of repairing a disastrous mess that i have created.
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