it's when A tells you not to tell things to B and then B tells you not to tell things to A- and you have to bite your tongue when if each party knows what each is saying, there could be a better situation for everyone.
today i felt so exasperated to the point of going to a corner to cry. see i have a colleague who is a temp girl just like me, L. her superior over her is A, who sits beside me and tends to be really nice to me. A and L don't quite like each other, since obviously their relationship is the boss-employee kind. L was worried about whether her contract would be terminated since it is stipulated to end the next day. sensing her worries, i told A. A told me the solution and when i told L about it, she got angry and scolded me for telling L, "did i ask you to tell A?!"- and i retorted "you did not ask me NOT to tell A" and then angrily she walked way ahead of me.
seeing her so annoyed with me, with her back turned away from me, i felt so hurt and angry, my whole being was just 'what the hell'. all the more since A later reprimanded me for being helpful, and L really did followed the tip i told her about, and that when i tried to help with the best of intentions, i feel so indignant that i had to suffer such tribulations.
home and ungrateful sibling
my sister the unemployed and uneducated screamed at me "YOU ARE SO SELFISH" and then slammed the door real hard at me when i refused to lend her the earphones that victor got for me.
she didn't even THANK me when she borrowed my black top without asking for permission (she wore it and then later told me) just yesterday.
it's not like i never offer other alternatives; i offered my other less-better earphones, but noooooo she only wants my pink earphones.
she, who spoils earphones ever so often, losing her things everywhere, obviously having borrowed my earphones before without permission, who always go out and returns home late, who always needs people to chase her to do small little things- scolds me for being selfish.
ungrateful piece of a sister. i can never understand what her friends would see in her. maybe they are the same ungrateful types who think the whole world waits upon them.
friends or not
to me, when i am so tired having complained about not having enough sleep from various activities-all the more so i would not need people to ask me out on the pretense of wanting to cheer me up, pure intentions or not. if a person sincerely wants to cheer me up, he or she could afford to wake up by a reasonable 11am to get to my workplace by 1230pm to have lunch with me as this is the only time i could offer my companionship...this is what i deem as sincerity.
i feel like i am always the entertainer, it feels like work to even get myself cheered up because i am that emotionally tired. i went for bible study and even then i struggled to keep awake in an entire room of strangers, all on fire for God.
sometimes i feel like i am exploited for being nice. somehow everyone wants me to do birthday cards, baptism cards, birthday decorations...even for my own baptism i was asked to do one for valerie, my co-baptism buddy. it's not really about being talented- some people just don't even TRY to do up a nice card, since someone else like janet will do it anyway.
sometimes i just feel like getting a stupid iphone ONLY because the supposed quality time was spent continually trying to vie the attention away from it. me vs iphone is like 0:9, fail big time.
sometimes it's not that i am super free when i am playing pet society. i think it is quite stupid and time-consuming to play it. it's just that i really rather play something as "dumb" as pet society than to go out with lonely people who have nothing better to do with their precious time.
let me just be bitter and perhaps run off early from cell group meeting again tomorrow....i don't know how anyone can tolerate being with me in the state that i am, on a mood swing, often snapping at people so easily and seeing the evil in every "goodwill" directed to me.
i will be better after sleeping.
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