suddenly i just got this feeling while blog-surfing.
i realised i would never find a bf with this attitude of mine. i am very cynical. i have too high expectations. i would always find faults with people but never look at their good sides. i mean, most of the attached girls or have-many-suitors girls are quite understanding and are unlike me.
well sometimes i feel awkward with too handsome guys. or guys whom i think are out of my league. then sometimes i try to act cool but come off as super uncool, saying the stupidest stupidest things. or become that blabbering love-struck girl.
coz when i like someone, i cant hide it!! it's super embarrassing coz the whole world knows and i just cant help myself feeling like a ball tumbling down the hill, just going down and down and down and could only brace myself for that crash- whether it be rejection or outright mocking- i'll just feel super heart-brokened and out of love.
and this point of life, with my sister and niece + attached friends all gathered around me, i start to get worried. who wouldnt!! seriously when my aunt called to tell me like things that can be said in 2 minutes but lasted 12minutes, she stretches the pause between her sentences, and asks unnecessary things, then there was this flash in my mind: what if i grow up to be like her-married and without kids? lonely and bored? i dont want to harass chloe and make her feel put off. all the girls around me are super good-AA-quality grade, and it's no surprise that they should be taken up already-- so where does that leave me? unwanted liaozz.
blooooo! it's totally siansation. like, i dont want to change any parts of me. i mean i cant laugh super loud at unfunny jokes. and i dont think guys ought to be mean creatures. sometimes i think theyre suuuuper lame and want too much face. like can you please be brave? behave like MAN, not infant. and why cant i keep my tail? i think it's pretty but the guys definitely think twice maybe coz they think i'm TOO much to handle.
why, pick up my cynicism in the above sentences yeah.
then i have ideas like, becoming all clubbin-person coz thats where pictures lead people to think that they have the best social life, and are having the most fun. how silly right! i cant elaborate on how silly i can be seriously.
argh im so sick of this game.
"if i am a spinster for the rest of my life, my yarns will keep me warm on cold and lonely nights."
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