gahhh i have got a buying-clothes illness.
i tried. it's like the first few rare times i went home and thought about it and went back to the shop to get it. i freakin bought 2 tops today. :X altogether it was bargained down from $30 to $28.
how! :( this is really unhealthy! the other day at the flea market i learnt a hard lesson: clothes unwanted becomes dirt cheap. it's not like property or gold which value wont depreciate much.
i should learn how to invest in like...i dont know! seashells??! -_- i really do wonder you know, how a guy can make so much money selling seashells on ebay. will be hearing him talk about it in like 10 hours time so cant wait!
anyway seeing weisheng so in love with his girlfriend makes me envious. so is seeing my classmate mariah and my classmates eileen and jasmine. why i point out these cases:
1. i've known weisheng for a loooong time and see him through like 4 girlfriends but this one is serious. he's like so cheesy now!
2. mariah and her bf has been together like 6 years plus and he always fetches her after school etc. which i find super super sweet.
3. eileen's chinese but her boyfriend's malay. which makes me wow. love can like cross bounderies.
4. jasmine always looks happy with her boyfriend. her bf looks like a heck-care playboy type but he always sticks around for her, which makes me marvel at her erm womanly charms or something, whatever that changes his character or style. i dont think i could ever have the power to like make a guy wait around for me, just to hear me whine or wait upon me.
ahh the power of love.
even though there's many sad-fight stories of bgr i've heard and testimonies of how people rock singlehood and how bgr is so not worth it, i cant help but to think about how good it would be to be in love and be loved.
after years being "out of practice" and a bystander and watcher of the cupid-gameshow, i think im becoming an old maid, expired left-on-the-shelf-thing. for eg, sometimes i think of the things couple do, i involutarily gag or think of the old memories and felt that i could never go back that way again...it's just too weird.
and im only 19! why am i saying all these! it's because im scared. i feel loney.
sigh. today weiliang and i were talking, and he said that im a very jealous person.. who can make everyone into bad mood and feel uneasy. HAHA! which is quite true. ok im going to lose my face but this was what happened a few months ago. i waited for close to an hour all byself, very very hungry, for my friends gary liyan weiliang to meet me for dinner, and then i was quite flustered and angry that they made me wait so long. then sometime later, we had another meeting again but this time i was part of the group to meet jiawen. then weiliang and gary were like "hurry! jiawen waiting for us!" and i think at that point of time i was jealous or something i burst into tears and said how come meet me dont need rush but jiawen then need to rush. so you know i just cried and i think weiliang just stood there laughing at me crying.
but whatever lahhh. anyway it sucks being second and never the first, you know? i hate it. i hate like feeling envious or jealous but knowing i can never do anything about it. coz it's like love cannot be forced. and im not so lovable or could ever be.
could my compulsion of buying clothes stem out of the unconsious fact that i am insecure and looking for love?
if so, then it's not true isnt it? i dont put makeup, i dont dye or rebond hair or go to the salon every other month.
why!!! why do i buy so much clothes?!
OH! jamie! you know what! i saw the dress i bought at salvation army for $5 being sold at the SMU bazaar for like $19!!!
oops haha i need to buy a shirt for reggae dance class! big baggy ones that covers my groin area bleah. i always get distracted by it during class. yucks.
OK THE END. got to turn in! DONT WANT TO FALL ASLEEP IN SERVICE!
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