j a n e t

i want to close down my shoe blog already. felt disillusioned.

yes finally i gave in to my parents consistent nagging, "dont sell shoes already lah.." i used to think they were unsupportive; they never ever encourage me to sell my creations, they made me felt they were ashamed of daughters having to beg around to get people to buy. when i asked them to ask their friends to see my website, they were "dont want lah!" without hesistation, right in my face. it hurts.

and it's sad that i may have to listen to their words already.

in this trade of selling your own crafts, it's like this. everybody says the shoes are nice, but in the end, no one buys them. i wonder whether it's coz of the price or whether they say nice just to make me feel nice. but yeah i was disillusioned but now i know, WORDS MEAN NOTHING. action is the thing. to all budding entrepreneurs out there, when people say your things are nice, it means it's not good enough. you need to hear "can i buy them?"

sometimes it's quite disappointing coz some people do not take you as a designer seiously. they see me as a beggar, hungry for their money. in fact, im not-- im hungry for their support and their approval of my designs. the shoes are part of me, they're my every single sarcrificial-sleep-second, my every finger-muscles-strain, my every heart-pumping anticipation. sometimes i squeeze the bottle of paint, till i feel my fingers numb over and i thought of dentists who had their fingers diabled coz the finger joint tissues wore out. and every drop of sweat in my armpits--waiting for the paint to dry and the baby to be borned.

AND the buyers i meet...makes me soooo pissed off i can cry. firstly i sold this pair to a rather-rich friend of mine at a very marked-down price coz she's my friend. instead of $16, i charged her $8. she still owes me $2 till now. i know i sound petty. but there were many interested buyers and i turned them down. so the $2 was like $8 to me. the thing is, i dont dare to ask her for the money coz she's a friend im not close with.

and there's another jewelry-seller who has a blog shop, who wants the $4 piggy shoes. AHHHH i dont want to talk about it again. %$&***!*! the shoes cost only a bloody $4 and she's soooooo #%$*& so wasted my time waitin for her emails and replyin them.

im going to close down my blog. SOON.

maybe revamp it.

but whatever lah. let me just vent my anger a little.

im too sick and tired to customize shoes for now. so if you read this and u want to take pity by buying the shoes, please Dont. im tired of painting the same designs like im a factory machine. i just want to vent my anger a little.

im silly and egoistic but let me be, i still want to think that im a highly-respected shoe-painter. only talk to me about this if you got wise words. im going to be a little-highly-sensitive these days...PMSing yo.